People: February 2008 Archives

'A long time ago we used to be friends, but I haven't thought of you lately at all.' - The Dandy Warhols, We Used to be Friends

Hitting the delete button seems so final doesn't it? When I first started using social networking applications I couldn't delete, couldn't get my mind around the idea of just sending a person (and all their stuff) to the recycle bin. It just seemed so mean.

Facebook is especially adamant when you hit delete:

'This action cannot be undone'.

Today I deleted a whole lot of people. People I don't talk to, people I added because they asked for an add and I felt bad saying no, people I don't really want poking their nose in my profile anymore, people I just think 'ok, I've read all about you and now I'm moving on'. 

It's not a personal thing, it's just more a 'why?' thing.

Why keep someone on your 'friends' list forever when you're actually not really friends?

Someone told me the other day, I think it was at book club (Dory moment here), that a study showed that you only really have 50 concurrent friends/good acquaintances. As one new one is made, one old one has to make way.

A huge part of it is the mobile culture we live in. No-one is where they grew up anymore really, and even if you are, perhaps your job or your lifestyle means you're different from the people around you. Online social networking let's you look into the lives of people you knew and compare yourself and see if you came out better or worse. But once you've compared your achievements and had a look at yourself through the eyes of people you knew 15 or 20 years ago, what other basis do you have for continuing an acquaintanceship?

Take a high school reunion for example. The only reason people go to those horrible things is to see whether they're better or worse off than their former peers. No-one really keeps in contact after a reunion unless there was some unresolved business from before or unless they already kept in contact before the reunion.

Then you have the random messaging type of online social networking friends. So you message a few times and then you get the 'let's be friends' and then you message a bit more and find out that really, no, you have nothing in common. Delete really seems the best option here.

It seems that every 30-something and 40-something is in a crisis of making new relationships and friendships. I've never had any trouble making acquaintances so I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle to do that. Apparently people do, and some canny investors saw the gap in the market and made off line social networking groups. They're springing up all over the place.

My one trainer, 30 something, single, female, not dating, at the gym directed me to this website :

Nieuwe Mensen Leren Kennen

Another acquaintance directed me here: