Family: March 2008 Archives

'When I turn my feelings on, I turn my feelings on inside.' - Spoon, I turn my camera on

1 x trip to the UK = 1 visa required. Multiple entry. Zimbabwean national. 286 euros.
1 x trip to the US = 1 visa required. Single entry. South African national. 95 euros.

2 x days off work to run around to get visas. Annoying, time-consuming, irritating.

Just slightly annoyed with my nationality today.

'I'd like to meet a human who makes it all seem clear.' - Morcheeba, Over and Over

Divorce is never an easy subject. Everyone is invested emotionally around the idea, whether they want to be or not. There are two camps in the divorce argument, the 'you should not ever at any cost' and the 'choose for your own happiness'.

My own parents are divorced, after 25 years together. All I could think when I was growing up was 'Why are you two still even trying?' 12 years on, they spend Christmases together. They are considerably better apart than they were together. Neither has a current relationship.

So which divorce camp am I in? Mostly #2 I guess though I spent a good long period in #1. I think when you've been married once before you tend to want to see if you can make it work the second time at all costs, especially costs to yourself.

I'm getting divorced, because I've decided that some paths are better walked separately, perhaps in parallel because of the kids, but nonetheless separately.

It's been a long time coming. Fear kept me paralysed. I wasn't able to make choices because I feared that I might make the wrong one. I've realised since that any choice is better than no choice at all. I'm the author of my own story and if I want to change the script I can. Anytime I like. If I mess it up, I can change the direction of the next chapter and start again.

It's going to be interesting. No-one thinks they move to another country to get divorced. Now I'm trying to navigate a divorce in a foreign country, where both partners hold different nationalities, as do both children, and where the marriage took place somewhere other than the Netherlands.

'There there baby, it's just text book stuff, it's in the ABC of growing up' - Imogen Heap, Speeding Cars

I'm so lucky. So so lucky.

• I start a new job on Tuesday with everything I wanted: a really nice boss, at Schiphol (12 mins on the bus), nice environment, a good salary, and there is Starbucks! Should have seen me gulp that mocha latte yesterday, drink three coffees in my interview and then shake for a few hours afterward.
  
  My attitude toward my career has changed. I'm ready to give it 100%, even if it means losing some of my other commitments.
  
  
• I have daycare four days a week! I called the daycare where the kids used to go in the mornings, and Peter, the owner said 'coincidentally, we have just had a cancellation for 3 children for Tuesday and Thursday'. I know who the three children are too - they're the ones we went to the beach with last week. Ingrid, the lovely lady at the other daycare gave me my Wednesday back too, so I only have Mondays where I need to rely on my network of friends.
  
  
• For every ending, there is a new beginning. Really. There is. You just have to believe in it. Read this.
  

'It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away' - U2, Beautiful Day

... no kids on the blog ... but isn't he beautiful?

We disco bowled (bowling to disco music with smoke machines and strobe lights and fear of epilepsy) today with five of his friends.

He's really 8 now. It's a big number isn' t it?

 

'I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain ...' - Sheryl Crow, Sweet Child o' Mine

Oh my baby boy, you are 8 today. I still think of the very first time we met, your hands clasped together, your blue blue eyes looking up at me, your tiny naked body slippery wet against my breasts.

Happy birthday my darling.

I love you.