waking to these sounds again.
'I'd like to meet a human who makes it all seem clear.' - Morcheeba, Over and OverDivorce is never an easy subject. Everyone is invested emotionally around the idea, whether they want to be or not. There are two camps in the divorce argument, the 'you should not ever at any cost' and the 'choose for your own happiness'.
My own parents are divorced, after 25 years together. All I could think when I was growing up was 'Why are you two still even trying?' 12 years on, they spend Christmases together. They are considerably better apart than they were together. Neither has a current relationship.
So which divorce camp am I in? Mostly #2 I guess though I spent a good long period in #1. I think when you've been married once before you tend to want to see if you can make it work the second time at all costs, especially costs to yourself.
I'm getting divorced, because I've decided that some paths are better walked separately, perhaps in parallel because of the kids, but nonetheless separately.
It's been a long time coming. Fear kept me paralysed. I wasn't able to make choices because I feared that I might make the wrong one. I've realised since that any choice is better than no choice at all. I'm the author of my own story and if I want to change the script I can. Anytime I like. If I mess it up, I can change the direction of the next chapter and start again.
It's going to be interesting. No-one thinks they move to another country to get divorced. Now I'm trying to navigate a divorce in a foreign country, where both partners hold different nationalities, as do both children, and where the marriage took place somewhere other than the Netherlands.
SJoe Ash. Many words come to mind. Good for you on making the decision. HUGS for making the decision. Good luck. So sorry. YOu know...all those many words. I'm in camp #1 at the moment but really should move on to #2.
I'm thinking of you. This is not easy
Well I'm the product of divorce too, and yet I find that I vacillate between the camps. Most of my friends who've got divorced have seemed happier following their own path rather than desperately staying together for the sake of an idea, so I absolutely see how it can be a good thing. We have friends divorcing here in Germany with the same complications as you, and it is neither easy nor cheap to do so. Good luck, Ash, with living with your decision and what the future holds for you. I'm enjoying seeing you walk your path and hope that it will be good for you.
Sorry to hear you'll have a divorce. I have no particular opinion about divorces; some people I decide to easily imho, others wait to long (again, imho). All I know is that it is always hard when there are kids involved, but usually easier when there is not a lot of anger or resentment between the parents.
My parents divorced when I was about 8 and I didn't suffer from it. My father lived close and my parents hardly said anything negative about the other parent so I didn't feel I had to take sides. For them (and us) divorce was definately the best option.
I'm sure I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Get a GOOD LAWYER no matter how much you think it's not necessary. I still wish I'd done so.
be careful....you might loose everything and everyone who loves and cares for you...make sure you make the right choice for the right reasons...your children!