things left unsaid.

'Girl, aint no kindness in the face of strangers' - Bruce Springsteen, Human Touch

Charlotte did this a while ago and I was thinking that I have a lot of things left unsaid. Classic passive aggressive with assorted neuroses over here. Anyone notice?

So now I'm saying them:

1. I wish you wouldn't be so very hard on your kids. They're beautiful children and they do their best and they love you. It breaks my heart.
   
   
2. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me to pick up your boy from school that day. I regret that our friendship ended over something so stupid, especially when both of us needed (and still need) a best friend so badly.
   
   
3. I really do appreciate everything you do for me. I'm just not very good at showing it.
   
   
4. It's just all terribly sad. I feel so stilted and I have nothing to say, but I am sad too.
   
   
5. Being a big girl is difficult. I understand how alone you feel, but if no-one had ever told me how to get my head around it I would still be a big girl too. My acupuncturist is Gerrit Bijlsma. His phone number is 020-6438686. Please phone him and tell him Ash sent you. He will make space for you.
   
   
6. Even if we both just walk along the same path for a little while, it's still a good experience right? I'm starting to understand the value of not mapping out one's future in advance.
   
   
7. Yes, I speak Dutch better than you speak English.
   
   
8. Thank you for telling me not to be insecure, but really, it's not something I can change overnight. If I could don't you think I might have done it already?
   
   
9. I value your opinion but I'd prefer you to keep it to yourself. It is your opinion after all.
   
   
10. No, I don't want to come to church with you and I certainly don't wish to be born-again. I'm quite happy with the once, thank you.
    
    
11. Darlings, I feel like I'm failing you every day. I wish I could be perfect, for you. More how I think you would want me to be and less how I am.
    
    
12. Don't fucking tell me how I should feel! You have no idea.
    
    
13. I really didn't mean for your hamster to die in my desk back in 3rd grade. I've felt eternally guilty around small furry animals ever since.
    
    
14. When I pushed you away it didn't mean I didn't care. It's just a reflex I have.
    
    
15. I love you. Really. I do.