So nothing I write today makes sense.

Either it's too whiny, too miserable, too full of sex, too emotional, too miserable, too full of why's what's where's and hows? The voices in my head keep me second-guessing (do they?)

I can't come to grips with what I want and feel. I've scrapped about fifteen posts already today and I'm still here and still editing (self-pity).

I've written poetry about tasting the clouds creep into my mouth (sad). I've listened to songs about wanting needing broken hearts misery love and hate and pain (wallowing). I've written a story about a girl who doesn't know how to deal with intimacy (poor thing). I've tried to conclude some other stories which had no endings but suddenly they all have sad ones, which really just won't do (give yourself a good talking to here Ash).

I've drunk tea, eaten nuts, I've had salad and a panini for lunch. I've wanted to eat chocolate (greedy). I've got my period (blah). I feel fat even though I'm wearing slinky black (self-loathing).

I've talked to colleagues about sex and whether getting it on with a girl really is the answer to life (is it?). I've talked to strangers in the shops about whether tomato juice really tastes nice (yes it does). I've looked at my bumper on my car and wondered if I should get it fixed (not, too expensive). I've thought about spending February with nothing to do (bliss and terror) and how I went to my dutch class last night intending to cancel but got sucked into anyway (should stand up for myself more).

I've written some things that I edited and decided were too personal to publish (stupid). I've written some things that some people might think were directed at them when really they're all about me, because obviously, this is my space, so this is all about me (vanity). I've re-written some other things when I re-read them and thought 'god, that sucks' (self-doubt).

I've collected my kids from the daycare and avoided the Nintendo discussion (relief). I've sent emails about the PTA and avoided being annoyed at a reply with a tone (politeness).

See, nothing I write today makes sense.

So, there.