Lolita, Humbert Humbert and her

'Now this applies both equally to you and I, the only thing we share is the same sky'  - Bell X1, Eve, Apple of My Eye

Kids in the car.  Strapped in, good and tight. Belts fastened against a possible future.

‘Right, everyone ready?’

‘Yes mama!’ chiming in unison.

She reverses the car out of its parking. It cuts out twice. Bloody battery. Then they're moving and she turns the radio up. They’re playing a favourite song, but she catches just the end of it. Pity. 

‘Are you looking forward to being at the farm, guys?’ she asks.

She thinks she knows the answer.

The little one is all yes yes yes. The big one starts whining. ‘Why aren’t any of our friends coming, mama?’

‘Well, they’re all on vacation right now, so you’ll have to use your charm and make friends with some of the other kids there instead.’  She smiles at him in the rear view mirror. Such a big boy now. Starting to feel nervous of making new friends.

She's nervous of making new friends too. Still everyone wants a new friend, right?

Someone to shoot the shit with, drink overpriced coffee with, look at the people passing by and say 'god, she shouldn't be wearing that!' and then mutually appreciate each other's much better put together look.

Someone to play with.

Then they're there. Get out the car. Check they have a water bottle.Check that they have hats.

‘Careful not to open your door too wide!’ The parking spaces are very small here.

The farm is idyllic. Typical Dutch for all the tourists, but still a great place to visit.

Organic goats. And organic goat’s milk, goat’s milk coffee, goat’s milk icecream. The only thing you can’t buy, but you probably could if you asked, is organic goat meat. The overwhelming smell of goat, the baa-ing.

Finally a coffee. Never mind the slight underarm flavour. She can sit in the sun with her book. Watching the world happening.

There's a line of trees surrounding the meadow that holds the farm. In winter it's always cold here. The sun is low and the trees keep it from ever really reaching the playground. In summer, the longer daylight hours trap the sun here and it's a sunbowl. A dusty sunbowl. Full of children.

She looks at her book again. Hmm. Maybe Lolita was not the best choice to bring to a playground. Good thing she isn’t a man.

‘Mama!’ A wail from the playground.

‘Yes, what is it?’

‘He hit me! And I don’t want to play with him!’

‘Ok, baby, go and play with that little girl then.’

‘But I don’t want to!’

Defiant and standing between her and her coffee.  Irritatingly so.

She bribes him with sweets (bad mommy) and then when he's gone, she gets back to her book. It's so warm today. She can feel her face start to colour. Her sandal swings from her foot as she tries to immerse herself in the story. Lolita is sunbathing and Humbert Humbert is watching her. 

Three pages later.

‘Mama! I don’t like it anymore and I want to go home!’ 

‘But we can’t go home now. We’ve only been here half an hour’ she says, annoyed. 'What exactly do you think you will do at home?’

He goes back to play.

Finally, she abandons Nabokov and sits, quietly, watching the people at play. Everywhere there are couples. Pairs of moms and dads. Pairs of friends.

Suddenly she feels alone and reflexively reaches for her mobile phone to call someone, anyone, to sit with her and talk about nothing. She dials, gets voicemail, sends some sms's, gets no reply. Nobody's home.

So it's just Lolita, Humbert Humbert and her.