So the working is not.
'You can't sleep at night. You can't dream your dreams. Your fingerprints on file, left clumsily at the scene. Your own worst enemy has come to town ... ' - Bruce Springsteen, Your Own Worst Enemy
That didn't last long.
9 weeks to be exact.
I started on 22 October and on 31 December I'll be done. So what made it not work?
The combination of not being in charge of my own time anymore. Missing my former life. The salary after tax being much much less than I expected. The kids being restless. The work/home balance being insurmountable.
The hum of office life being more like a listless drone.
One way or another it wasn't my thing. I think I realised pretty quickly that I'm no longer cut out for 9 - 5 regardless of the prestige of the job.
Though it was pretty nice to have some kind of actual worth attached to one's day to day existence.
Being able to watch the response to 'yes, I work for xxx as xxx' was infinitely more rewarding than watching the response when to that loaded question of 'what exactly do you do?' you answer 'oh, I'm a mom and I look after my kids and I work out and I lunch and sometimes I work part time in a florist'.
The response to that is usually some weird combination of, 'wow, you're a spoiled brat' and a look that says 'why don't you get a real job?'.
Things I will miss:
- The sense of purpose.
- Of getting up and going somewhere and having a role. Thing is, I think I defined my role so clearly before I started working that it was difficult to redefine myself.
- Having a friend that you see every day and can chat to as you walk past.
- Parties!
- Weird things like having your own mug in the cupboard.
- Getting cake and singing on birthdays.
Things I will not miss.
- The two o'clock dip.
- Getting excessive amounts of coffee to ward off the two o'clock dip.
- Water-cooler gossip.
- Endless going to the toilet just to be somewhere else!
- The cattiness.
- Appearing busy because you have to sit in your chair for the 8 hours you're paid for.
I don't know really.
I think I'll write the novel.
Blog more, travel more. Inspect my navel for fluff. Wax my upper lip. Paint my apartment.
Dream some dreams. Live some life.
Visit Paris. Hello David!
Visit Germany. Hello Charlotte!
Visit LA. Hello Neil!
Double cappuccino, daily.
I thought I had misunderstood your hyve remark... but not.
yeah, full time is really hard I think. I'd like to have a three day job, I'm actually thinking about getting one (kids have been on the waitinglist for NSO for 8 months...) but we are now changing schools for the youngest two and trying (again) to engage the teacher of oldes one in challenging him more, so I'm not sure I'll be able too.
I do know the feeling of "guilt" when they ask you what you do. First years I had quit I answered with my last jobtitle; marketing manager sounds nicer than housewife ;). These days I'm more used to it, but I'd probabely get used to being a jobtitle again real soon...
And now? Rethink desires and options?
This pretty much covers all the reasons I've never worked for the same company for more than 2 years, and I don't really expect to return to traditional employment again.
There are many things I'm willing to work very hard at, and be proud of having done a good job, but an office environment is not one of those things. Everyone needs to have something they can call their own, and something they can feel like they worked hard to create. The sole purpose of an office environment is to humiliate the people who work there, and make sure there is nothing anyone can call their own.
Oh I agree 100%. The part I find difficult to quantify is the return for input. You get paid, but most of the time it feels like you're being paid just to turn up. Surely life shouldn' t be like that?
Marjolein, now I'm rethinking while I write the novel, which is actually taking shape. Lying in the kruidenbad at the sauna has a lot of good points to it - one of them being that you're alone with your thoughts and can truly think! From January I work in the bloemist again, 2 days a week and the rest of the time I will write, gym, lunch and think. Sounds good to me, does it sound good to you too?
How about double espresso? :)
Sorry to hear it did not work out well. All the reasons you give are reasons why I hated working, and they gave me cold shivers, especially that trying to look busy. God how I hated that.
Please come by anytime!
Charlotte, I will! It's in my new life plan to visit everyone I know and make a nuisance of myself :)