Sex without Love
'I draw a jackal-headed woman in the sand, sing of a lover's fate sealed by jealous hate' - 10,000 Maniacs, Verdi Cries
Sex Without LoveHow do they do it, the ones who make love
- Sharon Olds
without love? Beautiful as dancers,
gliding over each other like ice-skaters
over the ice, fingers hooked
inside each other's bodies, faces
red as steak, wine, wet as the
children at birth whose mothers are going to
give them away. How do they come to the
come to the come to the God come to the
still waters, and not love
the one who came there with them, light
rising slowly as steam off their joined
skin? These are the true religious,
the purists, the pros, the ones who will not
accept a false Messiah, love the
priest instead of the God. They do not
mistake the lover for their own pleasure,
they are like great runners: they know they are alone
with the road surface, the cold, the wind,
the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-
vascular health--just factors, like the partner
in the bed, and not the truth, which is the
single body alone in the universe
against its own best time.
This poem has some incredibly interesting interpretations on the internet. Do a search on it and you'll find a million right-wing born-again Christians claiming that Sharon Olds wrote this in favour of their pro-life, anti-abortion, no-sex-before-marriage, oh-my-god-how-sinful-you-are beliefs.
There is the odd voice of dissent which urges the majority to re-read and consider that perhaps Olds envied those who can have sex without love. But those voices are very few and far between.
To me she seems to be mourning for a self that won't confuse the lover with the pleasure, a self that doesn't exist.
I love the analogy to running. The solitude, even when you run with others.
When I run on the treadmill I don't see or hear anyone else. I just hear my music, the sound of my feet hitting the band and I hear my breath in my throat. Pure focus on my goal. No distraction. Perhaps she envies the 'sex without love' lovers for their lack of distraction?
The last line, 'just factors, like the partner in the bed, and not the truth, which is the single body alone in the universe against its own best time.' is very real for me, and not about sex. About life.
In the end we're all just running and trying to better our own best times.
Not really any connection to the rest of the post, but the last line reminded me of these lyrics:
On a more cheerful note, when the weather allows I much prefer running outside than on a treadmill. Once I get back into regular weight training again (almost there). Starting to run again is step two.
Daniel, you left a comment! :) Thanks! wonderful lyrics. I think this time of year we all feel like we're caught in a hamster wheel or on a treadmill going nowhere.
I'm going to try running outside in the spring. I'm up to 5 km on the treadmill now, so I think it's time to get out there and actually be in the great outdoors. Happy Christmas! :)